Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Million Dollar Baby (Butt)

Some of you might remember my post chronicling the insanity that was my recent trip with Mimi and the girls to my Nannie's house over Spring Break. I mentioned that Michaela Byrd had an awful diaper rash that required an urgent care doctor's visit (several towns away!) and a prescription. I didn't tell you about what happened when I went to fill said prescription.

I waited until the girls were down for their naps before I left them with Mimi and ran out to find a pharmacy. I usually hate to waste precious nap hours running errands when I could be catching up on chores, but all I had planned for the afternoon was sitting on the deck reading, so I knew I better go before they woke up, insisted on tagging along, and started eating Xanex from behind the counter.

This is where I was thankful for once to be in a small town. On the main drag, I found a tiny little pharmacy with a big sign reading '"S City" Pharmacy.' I handed over my prescription and pulled out my book to read while I waited. It wasn't two minutes before the kindly pharmacist called me over to inform me that the ointment the doctor had prescribed cost TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS and would be NINETY DOLLARS with my insurance!!!

I almost laughed until I realized that he was not joking. What kind of diaper rash ointment costs two hundred bucks? It better have solid gold flakes in it imported from Pakistan for two hundred bucks. For two hundred bucks, there better be a babysitter in that jar who pops out and applies it for you. I must have looked completely flabbergasted because he took pity on me and offered to mix up a cream that they use locally. I know for a fact the meanie at the CVS up the street from me would never in a million years offer to mix me up a local cream. No way. He'd charge me the ninety bucks and call it a day. Sometimes "Mayberry" has its perks, ya'll!

"I can fill this prescription for you, Mrs. T, or I can mix up our local cream for four dollars." he said.

I paused for half a second, wondering what kind of horrid mother I would be for taking the easy way out and purchasing the cheapie stuff. I decided that I would risk being a horrible mother. The stuff, labelled "fanny cream," worked like a charm! Its consistency is suspiciously close to Pond's cold cream, but a few days of liberal doses cleared her right up.

Wonder what I can do with my extra $86?


  1. holly crap!! that's a lot nice to hear he offered you the local stuff!! wonderfult hat is worked!

  2. man, oh man!!! Have you heard of Boudreaux's butt cream?? It's a winner and it is NOT more than about $5........gee, you're gonna be rich saving money on butt cream......


  3. oh.my.goodness!! I would have cried! Thank goodness for small towns and the kind people in them :)!!

  4. Okay, I commented before but it's not showing up! ARGH!

    Yay for small towns and savin' 86 bucks!

  5. No way 90 BIG ONES?! I could live in Mayberry and hope to again some day. I live near a huge city that never slows down or cares if I pay 90 bucks on back side cream!

    Ya gotta love southern hospitality!

  6. Snaps for Mayberry! Hey, can you send some of that stuff he mixed up my way? We actually got prescribed the same $200 cream and IT.DID.NOT.WORK. Granted, my insurance paid for most of it, but still. That is just crazy! For that price it better make her butt sparkle and shine and poop out gold coins.

  7. Yes, living in a small town does have it's advantages. Glad your mother instinct told you to go homemade after reading the other Amanda's sad story. Wish we had the secret recipe. (maybe we should get a job at the store and then go into business for ourselves.)ha,ha


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