Tuesday, October 13, 2009


If the indignity I suffered during my sister's wedding last month wasn't enough, my kids decided to put me through the ringer again this past week. There's nothing like having kids to keep you humble, huh?

To start the party off, Natalie took advantage of my full hands in Panera last Sunday on our way out the door. I was carrying Michaela Byrd in one arm and had a drink in my other hand. We were standing near the pick-up counter waiting for my mom when I felt a familiar hint of a breeze.

I remembered this sensation because that's what it felt like when my 3 1/2 year old flicked the back of my dress around in front of the entire wedding reception at Alison's wedding.

I looked down and saw that she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing...she was just sort of absentmindedly tugging at the hem of my dress.

"Natalie," I said. "Please let go of my dress." I tried to twist away a little.

That's when this evil little mischievous glint of understanding came into her eyes and she giggled.

Before I knew what was happening, the entire back lower half of my dress was being flapped up and down like one of those parachute things. Yes, she saw an opportunity for some fun and took it. I'm sure she felt as powerful as a 3 1/2 year old can feel in that moment.

In a scene from a nightmare in slow motion, I pulled and flailed about in an effort to extract my dress hem from the sticky little fingers of my oldest and most devious child.

On the bright side, I was wearing leggings and standing behind the wall that separates the dining room from the pick-up counter. I guess the downer was that we were in full view of the cash registers and people standing in line to order. I hope they didn't lose their appetites.

To put the icing on the cake, Michaela Byrd decided that the humiliation I endured wasn't quite enough.

Our church's senior pastor (ie. the big whig) happened to come across our path as I was extracting my kids from L's van in the church parking lot on Tuesday morning.

Michaela Byrd had decided that L's van was the perfect jungle gym wonderland, and threw a huge hissy fit as I dragged her out of one of the carseats.

As our pastor tried to politely ignore my youngest's wails of protest, she grabbed a fistful of my V-neck teeshirt and pulled. Straight down.

I was so horrified that I couldn't even bear to look up and see if he was an unwilling witness.

In that split second, I was thankful that we attend a Baptist church.

I think a Catholic priest might have excommunicated me on the spot.

And all I can think of now is Teri Hatcher, angrily spouting to Jerry Seinfeld, "They're real. And they're spectacular."

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  1. WOW!!! That would be soooooo embarrassing! (not that you don't know that already) Hopefully she doesn't do it again!

  2. Oh, dear. Hope your girls give you a break before they do something like this again!

  3. Oh wow Amanda, I'm afraid to have children now. Haha! J/K! These are the sorts of things I picture my future children doing to me, when they do I'll come to you for sympathy & a good laugh. :-)

  4. LOL! Amanda! Of course I can laugh because I'm through that stage of life. Yes, we can all relate however. You have the best writing skills. I felt like I was there, although I saw nothing! One for the baby book, huh?? :)


  5. Oh Amanda...how embarassing! But what a funny story! Just think of it this way...you will have a lot of fodder for blackmail years from now! LOL Happy week!...Debbie

  6. Thanks for sharing, despite the embarrassment! It's still fun to hear that we're not alone in this world of mommies! ;)

  7. LOL, too funny! well at least you have a sense of humor about it, maybe your 'devious' little one has inherited that from you :)

  8. First off, OMG, Panera! I love Panera so much. Their spinach artichoke souffle is the most amazing thing ever. Seriously. Ever. Oh, how I miss you Panera!
    And secondly, you might want to rethink your wardrobe choices until Natalie is a little older. Maybe dresses and skirts should be relegated to the back of the closet for a while. Just a suggestion. As for the top and the pastor, well, what are you going to do? Were you at least wearing a pretty bra?

  9. Wow, I feel your pain! Last week during mass (we are Catholic!) my youngest was climbing all over me (we don't have a nursery program yet but we're in the planning stages...) and accidentally hiked my skirt all the way up with her foot. I gave the people in the next pew quite a show, but luckily the priest didn't see. I'm pretty sure you can't get excommunicated for that, at least if I didn't get excommunicated for accidentally flashing people while nursing in the pew last year (I was using a nursing cover, but somehow she managed to push it aside at just the right moment...oops!) I think I'm safe!

  10. You poor thing!! I would have about died had either situation happened to me. You are going to have a lot of stories to tell those girls when they get older. Did they manage to embarrass T when you were in Nashville??

  11. Hilarious, Amanda! I love reading your embarrassing stories...I hope it's therapeutic for you to write about them, lol! I remember a kid that I babysat for when I was a teenager did the same "pull down the shirt" trick right in front of her dad one time. All I could think was, "I don't get paid enough for this." hehee

  12. Called over from SITS to say Hi!
    This is a hilarious story! This is something that only I could get myself into! I can see the exact same thing happening to me! Only a chief Bridesmaid could choke herself like I did...and it was all captured on film!

  13. Oh my poor sweet friend...I love your stories! Thank heavens for leggings...and divider walls.

  14. Oh my goodness! I can't even imagine how embarrassing that must have been. You are a brave lady for admitting to that on your blog! :) And you're also brave for buying a pair of skinny jeans. I have tried them on a few times and every single time I leave the dressing room empty-handed with a disgusted look on my face. They were clearly not designed for women with hips. I'd love to see what you think of them after wearing them a few times!

  15. LOL about the whole thing! My daughter has also givin the Bishpric (our clergy) an eyeful of my ample cleavage at church on Sunday. They sit up on the stand, and she has more than once YANKED the neck of my shirt down so she could "lay on my skin" when she was feeling sleepy!

  16. OMGosh! That was such a funny story!!!


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