Monday, January 5, 2009

Who Won the Gold Star for "Best Christmas Gift for Nannie"?

So many of you were amused by my Nannie's hilarious and true exploits, that I feel compelled to share some more with you. Sometimes when I remember that she is my grandmother, and thus related to me, I get a little nervous about what may be in store for me 70 years from now.

My sister wins the gold star this year with her choice of gifts for Nannie. (I'll make the big reveal later) Nannie is one of the most difficult people to shop for. She is 97 years old (98 this May!!). This means that she has most likely received every gift known to man over her lifetime. I have spent many a Christmas vacation scouring Macy's for the perfect brooch, the softest scarf and hat set, or the book with the best plot. Eh. Turns out she really likes stuffed animals, so for a few years we would just look for the cutest stuffed animal we could find. One year I found a stuffed Schnauzer that looked just like her evil dog, DeBe, who went to dog heaven (or hell??) when I was still a child. That elicited a slight favorable response--at least stuffed Debe has a home on Nannie's bed.

So what, you must be asking yourself, was Alison able to find to win the unofficial Christmas contest? First you must consider Nannie's varied interests and hobbies.

-Was it a bullet proof vest to protect her body when the Red Chinese inevitably cross the borders, conquer America, and turn us all Communist? NO
-Was it a pair of sequined square dancing shoes to adorn her tiny little feet when she goes line dancing every week? NO
-Was it a new make-up case to replace the magenta-pink one she has been using since before I was born? NO (The current one is "perfectly good" even though she uses an old dog leash for the handle. I guess this is how you view possessions when you have lived through the Great Depression. Everything, even a Styrofoam party cup, is fair game for reuse.)
-Was it a gift certificate to Sephora to choose some new make-up? NO (She has some eye shadows in that magenta-pink case that could very well be from the Nixon era)
-Was it a signed copy of Glenn Beck's The Christmas Sweater to mark her glorious conversion to conservatism? NO (This is completely unnecessary as the Clintons are planning on taking over the U.N. and dominating the world, in which case we are all going to hell in a handbasket anyways.)
-Was it a new time share in Acapulco? NO (Nannie collects time shares the way my dad's mother collected Hummel figurines. She is a sucker for a *good* sales pitch, and we have lost count of how many vacation spots she has in exotic places like Florida and Baja, California---rolls off the tough, doesn't it?)
-Did it have to do with her RecentDiscoveryofSpecialWater? Hmm...that could just be it!
I foolishly thought that a repeat of last year's favored photo calendars would do the trick. Not so. It was Alison's shrewd choice of special water accessorizing that won.
This is Nannie with her plastic water bottle for her "special water", lovingly chosen by my sister. Darn it. Next year, I am going to get her a lazy susan from the Dollar Store for the 60 year old spices hidden in the back of her cabinets and call it a day.


  1. Hehe, Nannie has great taste! I have the same bottle in green, and it is my favorite! :)

  2. That is too funny...I also received the same bottle this year for Christmas.


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